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Funny Jokes And Riddles Biography

Source :- Google.com.pk

Buzz: "First I got tonsilitis, followed by appendicitis and pheumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculations."

Butch: "Boy you had a time!"

Buzz: "I'll say! I thought I'd never pull through that spelling test."

Student: "I hear that fish is brain food."

Roomate: "Yeah, I eat it all the time."

Student" "Another theory disproved."

Marty: "He was kicked out of school for cheating!"

Wade: "How come?"

Marty: "He was caught counting his ribs in a biology exam."

Dancer: "Say, can't you stretch the music a little longer -- just a dance or two more?

Band Leader: "Sorry, Sir. This isn't a rubber band."

Two women were preparing to board an airliner. One of them turned to the pilot and said, "Now, please don't travel faster than sound. We want to talk."

She: "How gracefully that man over there eats corn on the cob!"

He: "Yes. He used to be a piccolo player in the Marine Band."

Sergeant (after a War Game): "Private Jones, didn't you realize you were exposing yourself to an imaginary enemy only 250 yards away?"

Private Jones: "That's right, Sergeant. I was standing behind that imaginary rock 25 feet high!"

"As we have learned," said the teacher, "the former ruler of Russia was called a Czar, and his wife was called a Czarina. Now who can tell me what the Czar's children were called?"

A little boy at the back of the class piped up and said, "Czardines!"

"Now boys," said the teacher, "tell me the signs of the zodiac. You first Tommy."

"Taurus, the Bull."

"Right. Now you Harry, another one."

"Cancer the Crab."

"Right again. Now Sammy it's your turn."

The boy looked puzzled, hesitated a moment and then blurted out, "Mickey the Mouse!"

Teacher: "Can you give me an example of wasted energy?"

Willy: "Yes, ma'am, telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man."

Teacher: "Give me a sentence with an object."

Pupil: "You're very beautiful, teacher."

Teacher: "What's the object?"

Pupil: "A good grade!"

Teacher: "Give me an example of a collective noun."

Student: "Garbage can."

An English teacher, troubled by the unwillingness of boys in her class to take any interest in composition, attempted to arouse them by asking for a description of a baseball game. It was a fortunate idea for most of the boys were eager to tell what they knew about the sport.

Only one lanky fellow disappointed the teacher's hopes. He chewed on his pencil for a few moments before he scratched a few words and turned in his paper. On the paper he wrote ..."Rain. No Game."

A duck, a frog and a skunk wanted to go to the movies. The admission was one dollar. Which one of the three couldn't afford to go?

Answer: The skunk. Why?

The duck had a bill. The frog had a greenback. But the skunk only had a scent.

Flora: "And when rain falls, does it ever get up again?"

Dora: "Oh yes, in dew time."

Ike: "You say Tony gave up his job as traveling salesman just to please his wife?"

Mike: "Yes, it seems she wanted her Tony home permanent."

Question: "What is a Hot Dog?"

Answer: "A Hot Dog is the noblest of all dogs, because it feeds the hand that bites it."

Mary had a little watch

She swallowed it, it's gone.

Now everywhere that Mary walks