Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images : 2015

Sunday 7 June 2015

Funny Rude Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Rude jokes

Source Link:-Google.com

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist! Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A: a $100 bill! Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A: a cucumber Q: How do you kill a circus clown? A: Go for the juggler! Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? A: They couldn't close his casket. Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle? A: Because his wife died! Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off Girl: "Hey, what's up?" Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?" Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy. Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? A: They steal all the green cards. Q: Why don't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is Q: What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you're a teenager before it cums on your face! Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it." Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ? A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? A: Tug-of-whore. Q: If the world is a Jacket where do poor people live? A: In the hood. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese. Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his cock! Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: What's a porn star's favorite drink? A: 7 Up in cider. Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball! Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common? A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 9 black guys? A: Steve Nash. Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: Because their plugged into a genius! Q: What do you call an artist with a brown finger? A: Piccassole Q: Did you guys hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili? A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals. Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: For fingering A minor. Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...? A: "Is it in?" Q: Whats 72? A: 69 with three people watching Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" Q: Why don't black people go on cruises? A: They already fell for that trick once. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog! Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid on Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A: A little get together. Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.? A: E.T. eventually went home! Q: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? A: Because the 'p' is silent Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: A lickalotopis Q: What's the difference between being hungry and horny? A: Where you put the cucumber. What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it? Q: What did One gay sperm say to another? A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit? Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer? A: He was shooting for the stars. Q: What do girls and noodles have in common? A: They both wiggle when you eat them. Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A: Anyone can roast beef. Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? A: Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is? A: Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass. Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A: A virgin. Q: What kind of bees produce milk? A: Boobies Q: Did you hear about the African American girl who was quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't Q: What do you call two fat people talking? A: A heavy discussion. Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. Q: Whats the worst thing about dating a blonde? A: If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they. Q: What did the penis say to the vagina? A: Don't make me cum in there. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch. Q: What do you call ball's on your chin? A: A dick in your mouth! Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist? A: He joined the que que que. Q: What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A: A tearjerker.

Funny Rude Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny jokes for teens Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny jokes for teens

Source link:-Google.com

Me: Do you have a book for men with small his thing?

Librarian: I don't know if it's in yet.

Me: Yeah that's the one.

Where does a dog search for when it loses his tail?

A retail store.

Curves on women are nice, but curves on final exams are even better.

What are the only kind of trees that grow fingers?

Ummm, Palm trees.

Don't "k" me, you bast....

Rare:

The past of Eat is ate and the future of ate is weight and the most funny part is that people realize it so too late!

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Husband on wife's grave.. with a table fan.. crying...

Someone comes and asks - did you love her alot?

Man: Which love? she took a promise that you will re-marry when my graves goes dry - I don't know who stupid put lot o fwater daily here?

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Where were you last night? mother shouted!

I was in disc/club, son replied.

Oh my god! I hope you didn't see anything which you should not see.

Son: I seen the thing that I should not see there!

What did you seen>

Dad - he softly uttered...

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Early to bed, and early to rise proves that..

...

The person has no internet connection!!!:)

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Lay to advocate: I want to marry my ex husband again!

Advocate: Why, last month you hot the divorce..

Lady: After divorce, he is very happy and I can not tolerate this at all...

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Couple got fight!

Wife in anger goes to market, buys poison, eats and after sometime..

She did not die..

Husband: Lot of time, I told you, take care while buying things, money is wasted and work is still incomplete!!

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Man can be happy in 2 situations: 1st - if unmarried; 2nd - if wife has gone to her mother's home.

Smartness:

Duffer, why do you keep on talking with girls all the time..

Boy: I am very poor, even do not have whatsapp in my cell.

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Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating?

Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste them and put them back..!!

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Do you know about 7 important most important Men in a Woman's life? No, then here we go:

One. Mr. Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

Two. Mr. Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

Three. That Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

Four. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

Five. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

Six. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

Sever. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having two wives:

A - Monopoly should be broken

B- Competition improves the quality of service..

If you have one wife she fights with you, if you have two wives they will fight for you

Feel the difference and decide:

Disclaimer: We are not having such experience and not responsible for any side effects!

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Adam[man] and Eve[woman] were the first human beings in the world

one fine day eve asked Adam' do you love me'

Adam said 'do i have another choice'

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Funny jokes for teens Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny jokes for teens Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Christmas jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Christmas jokes

Source Link:- Google.com

Why does Santa have three gardens?
 So he can 'ho ho ho'!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky!
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? 
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? 
He got 25 days!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? 
A Holly Davidson!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? 
A Christmas Quacker!
What is the best Christmas present in the world? 
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How did Scrooge win the football game? 
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? 
Santa Jaws
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
 Elf-is Presley!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? 
The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? 
Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? 
They always drop their needles!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
Why did the turkey join the band? 
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads? 
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around? 
They ride an icicle!
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? 
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? 
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you call a cat in the desert? 
Sandy Claws!
What does Santa do with fat elves? 
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? 
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? 
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert? 
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? 
Cross Mouse Cards!
What athlete is warmest in winter? 
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? 
Tinsilitis!
What's the most popular Christmas wine? 
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? 
Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? 
Jingle Smells!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? 
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? 
Noël Coward!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf? 
He has Santa claws!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!

Funny Christmas jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Saturday 30 May 2015

Super Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Super Funny Jokes
Source Link:- Google.com

Profession jokes - Give vs Get

- My father always told that it is better to give than to get.

- Was he a monk?

- No, he‘s a boxer.

Profession jokes - Judge

A judge tells:

- I have given you the fine of 3000$ for taking offence at the civil servant. Would you like to say anything?

- Of course I would, but these prices are too high for me..

Profession jokes - School mates

Two schoolmates meet:

- Hi, so great to see you – what do you do in your life?

- Hi, I’m a landscape architect.

- And what do you do?

- I drive a bulldozer.

Funny profession jokes - Opinion

Question: What would you describe the term "exchange of opinions"?

Answer: That's a situation when you have your opinion and go with it to your boss. Then you return with his opinion.

Funny profession jokes - Judge

A judge asks the culprit:

- So, did you commit the crime in the way which I have just explained?

The culprit:

- Actually no, but I really like your idea!

Funny profession jokes - Being funny

Two new friends talk:

- Were you funny when you were a child?

- You’re kidding, I am an accountant.

Funny profession jokes - Pilot

Flight Control Center asks the pilot:

-Who is landing here?

The pilot decides to make a joke:

- Guess who, - he asks

Flight Control Center turns off the lighting of the landing track and tells:

- Guess where..

Funny profession jokes - Candidate selection @ Secret Service

Selection of candidates takes place at U.S. Secret Service. The first applicant comes and stands in front of the Commission. The Chairman asks:

- Sir, our service is extremely secret, thus the agent has to be strong-willed, obey to laws, be cold-blooded.

- I completely understand this, Sir.

- Great, but we will have to check this. We have brought here your wife as well, she is sitting in the next room. Please, take the gun, go there, and shoot her dead.

- No, sorry, I won’t do that. I don’t need this job.

The second applicant comes in. The Chairman again explains him the whole situation and tells him to go and shoot his wife to death. The applicant says:

- No, I won’t do that.

The third applicant comes and the Chairman again explains him the rules. The candidate takes the gun and leaves to the other room. All members of the Commission are waiting for what will happen.

Suddenly they hear a gunshot, than the second, third, the fourth. Then the fifth and the sixth. Than they hear the woman screaming. The doors open, the third candidate goes out and tells:

- Listen, Boss, somebody has put a blank cartridge. So I finished her with the butt of the gun…

Funny profession jokes - Valentine's day

- Daddy, what is Valentine's day?

- I don't know, my son. We are mechanical engineers.

Funny profession jokes - Ideas

Two professors chat:

- I often experience that ideas come to my mind when I'm already in bed. Does it happen to you as well?

- Sure, that is why I always take a pen and a blocknote to my bed.

- And I take my secretary with me to the bed.

Funny profession jokes - Pilots

Airplane is landing at the airport. Pilots have a conversation:

- Look, what a short landing lane they have!

- But, you look, how wide it is!

Super Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Hindi Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Hindi Funny Jokes
Source Link :- Google.com

Black jokes - Nowadays
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...

Black jokes - powder
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl:
- What kind of powder is that?
- Heroin
- But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange.
- This is a kids’ heroine – orange taste.

Black jokes - A black
- How would you call a black, who is piloting a plane?
- A pilot, you racist.

Black jokes - A disturbing wife
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.

Black jokes - Crossed the road
Why did this woman cross the road? Because I was not fast enough to hit her.

Black jokes - On the way to video store
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.

Black jokes - Hitler
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

Black jokes - Step
One step forward, 12 floors down.

Beautiful lady and homeless man
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says:
- Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me.
- Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it – replies the man.
- No way, you're disgusting, go away.
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won’t you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?
The homeless man thinks: I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm.

Black humour
Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.

Black humour - Beyonce
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights...

Black humour - Lifting weights
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

Black humour - Sailors
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says:
- I can not proceed in this way.
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they dig up the woman.

Hindi Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images