Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images : May 2015

Saturday 30 May 2015

Super Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Super Funny Jokes
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Profession jokes - Give vs Get

- My father always told that it is better to give than to get.

- Was he a monk?

- No, he‘s a boxer.

Profession jokes - Judge

A judge tells:

- I have given you the fine of 3000$ for taking offence at the civil servant. Would you like to say anything?

- Of course I would, but these prices are too high for me..

Profession jokes - School mates

Two schoolmates meet:

- Hi, so great to see you – what do you do in your life?

- Hi, I’m a landscape architect.

- And what do you do?

- I drive a bulldozer.

Funny profession jokes - Opinion

Question: What would you describe the term "exchange of opinions"?

Answer: That's a situation when you have your opinion and go with it to your boss. Then you return with his opinion.

Funny profession jokes - Judge

A judge asks the culprit:

- So, did you commit the crime in the way which I have just explained?

The culprit:

- Actually no, but I really like your idea!

Funny profession jokes - Being funny

Two new friends talk:

- Were you funny when you were a child?

- You’re kidding, I am an accountant.

Funny profession jokes - Pilot

Flight Control Center asks the pilot:

-Who is landing here?

The pilot decides to make a joke:

- Guess who, - he asks

Flight Control Center turns off the lighting of the landing track and tells:

- Guess where..

Funny profession jokes - Candidate selection @ Secret Service

Selection of candidates takes place at U.S. Secret Service. The first applicant comes and stands in front of the Commission. The Chairman asks:

- Sir, our service is extremely secret, thus the agent has to be strong-willed, obey to laws, be cold-blooded.

- I completely understand this, Sir.

- Great, but we will have to check this. We have brought here your wife as well, she is sitting in the next room. Please, take the gun, go there, and shoot her dead.

- No, sorry, I won’t do that. I don’t need this job.

The second applicant comes in. The Chairman again explains him the whole situation and tells him to go and shoot his wife to death. The applicant says:

- No, I won’t do that.

The third applicant comes and the Chairman again explains him the rules. The candidate takes the gun and leaves to the other room. All members of the Commission are waiting for what will happen.

Suddenly they hear a gunshot, than the second, third, the fourth. Then the fifth and the sixth. Than they hear the woman screaming. The doors open, the third candidate goes out and tells:

- Listen, Boss, somebody has put a blank cartridge. So I finished her with the butt of the gun…

Funny profession jokes - Valentine's day

- Daddy, what is Valentine's day?

- I don't know, my son. We are mechanical engineers.

Funny profession jokes - Ideas

Two professors chat:

- I often experience that ideas come to my mind when I'm already in bed. Does it happen to you as well?

- Sure, that is why I always take a pen and a blocknote to my bed.

- And I take my secretary with me to the bed.

Funny profession jokes - Pilots

Airplane is landing at the airport. Pilots have a conversation:

- Look, what a short landing lane they have!

- But, you look, how wide it is!

Super Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Hindi Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Hindi Funny Jokes
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Black jokes - Nowadays
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...

Black jokes - powder
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl:
- What kind of powder is that?
- Heroin
- But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange.
- This is a kids’ heroine – orange taste.

Black jokes - A black
- How would you call a black, who is piloting a plane?
- A pilot, you racist.

Black jokes - A disturbing wife
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.

Black jokes - Crossed the road
Why did this woman cross the road? Because I was not fast enough to hit her.

Black jokes - On the way to video store
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.

Black jokes - Hitler
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

Black jokes - Step
One step forward, 12 floors down.

Beautiful lady and homeless man
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says:
- Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me.
- Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it – replies the man.
- No way, you're disgusting, go away.
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won’t you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?
The homeless man thinks: I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm.

Black humour
Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.

Black humour - Beyonce
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights...

Black humour - Lifting weights
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

Black humour - Sailors
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says:
- I can not proceed in this way.
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they dig up the woman.

Hindi Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Jokes one Liners Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Jokes one Liners

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Question: Who can defeat a spiderman?
Answer: A slipperman.

Absurd jokes - Fat
Your mom is so fat: when she sat on a rainbow it started raining Skittles.

Absurd jokes - Pencils
Broken pencils are pointless.

Absurd jokes - Africa
In Africa every 60 seconds a minute passes.

Absurd jokes - hedgehog
A hedgehog was walking through the bushes, crashed to the wall... and drowned.

Absurd jokes - a very reasonable question
Why the hell do I need a fridge if I don't smoke?

Absurd jokes - count
Five guys were walking down the street and met the eighth one.

Absurd jokes - wolves
Two wolves go for a walk. One of them asks: let me walk in the middle.

Absurd jokes - logic
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other side.

Absurd jokes - in common
Two elephants were flying - one to the north, and the red one.

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.
- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

A wife to her husband:
- Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm reading our marriage certificate.
- What for?
- I'm looking for the expiry date.

Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

Funny Jokes one Liners Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Jokes Sms Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Funny Jokes Sms

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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

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A lady tells to the nurse at the maternity hospital:
- I think I will call my little newborn Anna.
Doctor:
- Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153.

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My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.

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Conversation in the immigration office at airport in the US:
- Your name, Sir.
- Bakshish Abdul
- Sex
- Three times a day...
- I mean male or female?
- Doesn't matter...

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Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.

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An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge $100 for what we just did."
The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $200."

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- Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?
- No, David.

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The President of Coca Cola makes a phone call to Russian President Vladimir Putin:
- Vladimir, I have noticed that you have changed Russian anthem, do you have any plans to change the flag as well - return to the previous purely red flag? If you would put our Coca-Cola trademark in a corner, we would solve all your problems with pensions, salaries of officials for couple years ahead...
Vladimir puts the call on hold and asks his colleague:
- Hey, when our contract with Aqua Fresh ends?

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- Sex?
- Seven to eleven times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- No difference, male, female, sometimes camel
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast...

Funny Jokes Sms Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Friday 29 May 2015

Free Funny Jokes In Hindi for Kids for Adults In Urdu In English Photos Wallpapers Images

Free Funny Jokes

Source Link:- Google.com

Funny adult jokes-Love
The bible teaches us to love, and Kamasutra shows how to do that…

Funny adult jokes - Married Lord
A Lord got married. After the ceremony unmarried friends went to a brothel. Unexpectedly they met the Lord there.
- Lord, what are you doing here now that you are married and have a beautiful young wife?
- Well, she was so tired that fell asleep at once. I thought it is not worth to wake her up for just a few of pounds.

Funny adult jokes - Unexpected sex
Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison…

Funny Adult jokes - Tom and his boss
n the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.

Funny Adult jokes - The difference in words
One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…

Funny adult jokes - A cowboy caught by the Indians
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.

The Chief comes up to him and asks:
- What do you want for your first wish?
- I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy.

The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt.

The Chief asks him once again:
- What do you want for your second wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy.

Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later.

The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks:
- So, what do you want for your last third wish?
- I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy.

He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it:
- You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!!
Funny adult jokes - Bungee jumping
Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping?
You're dead, if the rubber breaks.

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